Fondled

White women in Africa have to tread carefully. Many come here in the hope of fulfilling some sort of racialised sexual fantasy, still. And then it doesn't help that every Western film that makes it to Rwanda, depicts Western women as semi-naked and easy. Most of my Rwandan friends here are male, something I have found very frustrating. For the most part though, at least with men my age, I've encountered very few problems. But then I've also encountered bold-faced chauvinism. Here are just a few tidbits, delivered by true alpha males:

• A colleague: "Never tell me you have a boyfriend. A man does not want to hear this"
• My driver: "I want to make love to a white woman like you" (I wish I'd never taught him English)
• A college student: "If a woman keeps her man happy, he will not cheat"
• A group of male colleagues: "We must teach you what you can do to a man to keep him happy" (I didn't press for details)
• A man old enough to be my father: "You studied at Oxford?! Oh you are not an easy woman"
• A female colleague: "A woman must remain thin until she finds a man, but then she must get fat when she marries. If a married woman is thin, her husband is not feeding her properly"

And finally, on greeting a man from church, again, old enough to be my father, he goes for the European two cheek kiss, then to end, a big sloppy kiss on the lips. I was too shocked to dodge.

But then today, it was a woman, not a man that crossed the line. I greeted her at reception and she exclaimed 'You are so fat'. Charming, but then in Africa, to tell someone they are fat is the highest compliment. However, it turns out she was in fact remarking on the size of my boobs. For just as soon as the words left her mouth, she was giving me a right good fondle. "Mmmmm, very good, very fat". I stood dumbfounded. As did the male cleaner who was looking on. Form a line!